Laughing one moment, crying the next. What happened? I felt fine just an hour ago.

The memories I have of us spending time together are so powerful.

It was a really great friendship I screwed up by falling in love.

Conversely, it would have been a really great relationship but she screwed that up by not falling in love.

Why should that surprise me though? Nobody ever falls in love with me. And she made it clear to me 14 years ago she didn't love me. Why should that be any different now just because she started telling me she loved me and started hugging me all the time in person and occasionally kissing me on the lips. Of course I should have just assumed that was because she really missed all her friends.

I am in a ton of pain right now. As I have been over and over throughout my life, anytime I dared get my hopes up. I am 39. If I could go back and tell my 13 year old self that this is just going to repeat like this for 3 decades with so many different women, I could have just put myself out of my misery all the way back then. Is this all there is?