I'm not in the ideal place, but. I'm not in the worst place, either. While I've been friend zoned for much of my life, it's nice knowing that everyone previously in my life who I had strong feelings for, is no longer in my life. Either they have removed themselves from my picture, or I have. I haven't been in a fulfilling relationship in quite a while, and most of my life has been geared towards finally getting that. It's always been the one thing I want most, and there's usually someone in my life I want very badly.

But now there isn't. And I feel myself healing from past wounds and rejections. And I realize what I must do. I have to improve what I have to offer if I want to get out of this rut. And I feel like now is my best chance to do just that. So instead of blowing money on the strip club for temporary relief like I have done many weekends, instead of using websites to find sugar babies in hopes of getting some connection with a girl I find sufficiently attractive, regardless of whether its real or not, I have decided to go without those things in 2023. What happens if I save up my money and live the boring life for a year. Look for more conventional methods to meet people and continue to look for ways to improve myself? Can I put myself in a better spot?

Or will my chronic procrastination do me in again? I have come to realize that if I am in the friendzone frequently, that means there are weaknesses I can pinpoint I need to work on, and if I do my best to flatten those weaknesses out, I should see better results. It's that simple. It's time to stop fooling myself into thinking someone I really want will love me for who I am right now and try to become someone that a high-level attractive woman would be interested in. If that sounds like a cynical, hard-to-swallow pill? Well, perhaps I am finally strong enough to face that notion now when I wasn't before.

I need to get my weight down each month of 2023, get myself under 200 lbs by the end of the year and my bank account up each month. Noticeable improvement on both ends.

I need to make more efforts to pursue my dreams of being a solid, reliable youtube content creator and put forth regular videos about what I love to talk about, and monetize that shit, and become good at every aspect of creating those videos.

I need to mix in an occasional travel to other parts of the world. Nothing crazy, but try seeing a new country every year.

I need to improve my wardrobe, which needs some real updating, fix up my cluttered room once and for all, fix the cd player in my car and figure out how the AUX port in my car works so I can play music the way most people in this decade do it too. All presentation-related stuff so I look fresh, cool and up to date for anyone who might approach.

I hope it's ok that this isn't the cookie cutter "I'm not sure if she likes me or if I'm in the friendzone" post and that nobody has to answer that question here, but I feel like we could all use a bit of self-improvement and motivation to avoid dealing with this in the future.

Wish me luck.