Hi, I've noticed a behavior within myself (24f) that I'd like some advice with. I'm a late-diagnosed autistic person and in my life people have come to me with their problems as far back as I can remember. I had a tough life myself, so when I would be going through something, I learned that the quicker you solve the issue, the quicker things get easier. That simple little "trick" I learned has caused me problems in every adult friendship and relationship I've ever had and I don't know how to do things differently.

For instance, if a friend told me their SO was making them feel some type of way and they've communicated that, instead of recognizing they need a listening ear I'll just offer that they should probably leave. Seems simple in my brain, when you tell people how their actions affect you and they can't change to accommodate that, they don't deserve access to you.

It's not just that though. In relationships during conflicts, I'll often jump straight into finding the solution to their problem. Some things it's like "Yeah, we just aren't right for each other," but with others, in hindsight, i can see they just needed me to hear them out first.

I've told the people in my life that I care about that if they come to me to vent or bring up problems to me I'll try to find a solution because that's all I'm really good for, but that feels like a cop out to me. I want to be a better friend and be able to communicate with people more effectively.

TLDR: when my friends or relationships bring up problems to me (involving me or otherwise) I'll tend to look for solutions instead of offering empathy and I'd like help breaking this pattern as I've been left by so many people I've loved because of it.