UPDATE: I sent the email to the social workers last night requesting removal. It was hard to write. I said that despite trying for about three months, and all the meds and hours at doctors and ER lobbies not to mention all the hours of crying and reassuring this kid that she wasn’t evil — we’d reached an impasse. I told them everything I told you all. Got the call today that the court order was signed and they’re being picked up Friday. My family will probably never understand completely. I’m glad they got the good side of Jess, and I’m sad that I poured so much love into her and she just didn’t want to see me in a good light. Or even treat me like a human. I’m going to pack their things tomorrow. Amy was made aware earlier this week that we didn’t know for sure what was happening but we’re telling her tomorrow night that it’s final. She’s upset with Jess for making this such a complicated situation at our home when it didn’t need to be. We don’t have kids of our own so I feel guilty for feeling relieved that we’ll have normalcy again. We never even wanted to have kids, but we loved the girls. It’s hard not to feel heartbroken that we won’t see them again for a long time (their parent that is getting them back likely at the end of the month also treats me like Jess and will have them block me). It’s also hard to not miss my very stress-free and safe life before all this. I’m so grateful for everyone that replied. It made me feel seen and heard. Reddit isn’t for the faint of heart, and so much positivity and love made me feel like I shouldn’t beat myself up so much and all my thoughts and feelings were rooted in reality not just depression. My PTSD nightmares about the family came back and that’s not helped the situation. But I started therapy again two weeks ago because I was scaring myself. The intake went great and I’m looking forward to our first real session soon. Thank you all so so much. I’m scared and I’m sad but something I’ve been echoing a lot these past few months is “I’ve been strong my whole life, when do I get a break?” so I’m going to remember that I’ll get through this too.

Original: I posted this in a social work group too so if you see it there it’s bc I didn’t know where to post.

I recently gained temporary custody of my nieces (let’s call them Jess and Amy) due to abuse and neglect at home and it’s not going well at all. Here’s the issues:

We don’t get replies from our social worker usually, even with being polite and asking what their preferred method of contact is.

We make too much to receive benefits from the government and receive no foster care benefits. But in reality, all our money goes to our mortgage and other bills. And we’re spending much more on food because the girls gorge themselves even with us talking nicely about portions and not spoiling their appetites. I’m sure this is a trauma response in some form and we don’t want to give them eating disorders but financially, it’s a strain.

The biggest issue is from Jess (17) though. She had the worse of the abuse arguably, being the only one who was physically abused. The doctors say she has a mood disorder, likely RAD. She’s extremely manipulative and compulsively lies even when there’s proof. She verbally abuses me i.e. constantly mocking me, laughing at me, calling me names like bitch, dumbass, dipshit, and a piece of shit. Also calls me her parent’s name (who abused her) to hurt me. She told the cops, doctors, social workers, my husband, and my family that I got on top of her and yelled in her face and hit her. She faked an OD one night and began hitting/kicking me so I did hold her against my body (both sitting up) so she wouldn’t hurt me or herself. My husband and Amy were in the room too so at least I have witnesses. She would talk to me coldly and then turn on tears the moment someone else comes in. I have to record every interaction now. Who she is to me is a totally different person to everyone else.

This has greatly affected my mental health. I’ve been medicated and in therapy consistently for closer to a decade for depression and trauma and haven’t had a depressive episode in years. I cry multiple times a day now and have been thinking of hurting myself. I don’t feel like myself. And everyone keeps saying I chose this and I’m all she has and that she’s a kid. But I’ve been trying with her for months. I feel like everyone is against me. My husband said we can ask they be removed from home but he also seems to think I’m being too emotional. My family is guilt tripping me and I’m being iced out because they think I’m cold.

I think I underestimated how much this would hurt me both mentally and financially. I want my old life back. What can I do? Is this unforgivable?