I don’t know anyone who fosters so I’m coming here to vent about it. Only other foster families would know the pain of losing a hard fought animal, especially after you worked so tirelessly to keep it alive and thought you were in the clear.

13 weeks ago me and my mother rescued three bottlefeeder kittens. We fought hard to keep them healthy, they were for some reason giving us a huge fight. The runt of the litter, Astrid, was almost put down at some point because her health was so bad.

We learned last weekend that Astrid had a rare condition that made her sternum grow in towards her heart and lungs instead of outwards. Yesterday they operated but she was already too old to save. After watching her struggle for hours to wake up from the anesthesia and being told she already had one lung collapse and the other beginning to fail due to stress on her chest, we put her down.

She just wasn’t meant to live a long life. It’s so unbelievably frustrating. I fought so, so hard for her life just for her to get unlucky in her genetics. Fostering is so hard, sometimes. It’s worse knowing I made the wrong decision. She could have had a little more time living her kittenhood out happily if we hadn’t of operated. She could have gone peacefully. Instead we forced her to go through a scary procedure and her last hours were spent scared and confused and drugged. Thankfully it was only two hours she had to suffer.

We put her in a little cardboard coffin and we’re going to hike somewhere nice to bury her. At least she’s at rest now. I feel somewhat relieved she doesn’t have to go through a ton of pain. But it’s so unbelievably, teeth-grittingly, frustrating for things to have gone this way. Her life was worth saving no matter how short it was, but she deserved better. Astrid deserved a life and a forever home. She was so old to have her health turn so suddenly. It sucks that this is just how fostering goes sometimes. I think this feeling is amplified by my personal cat being a senior and not being in the best of heath.

Anyways thanks for letting me dump all my word garble here. I just needed to write this somewhere where I knew people would understand what I’m feeling and what I’m going through.

R.I.P. Little Astrid.