Hello everyone! I am new to this subreddit but already feel at home :)

I am 26 years old and from age 18 to 25 I was in the Hare Krishna cult. After having had psychosis and "waking up" I realized that this was not the life for me anymore. Still, some religious practices are so dear to me, while others I reject now.

The cult was my life. I thought I would marry a devotee there and fell for one guy I didn't even really know when I was 20. I had this idea that we would marry and start a family soon for 5 years(!). I saved myself for him. Then the psychosis ensued and I realized that this was all in my head.

Before I joined the cult (not understanding it was a cult back then obviously) I had my first and only somewhat sexual encounter and first serious crush at 17. I flew over to meet him and wanted to lose my virginity to him(but didn't because I got too nervous). It ended with a LOT of hurt feelings on my part because he wasn't attracted to me. We met online and I never disclosed that I was bigger than my photos showed. (Looking back I was just chubby anyway). I thought he would love me despite it. Welp, he didn't 🙃.

I think this is why I found such a refuge in the cult because there they preached no sex outside of marriage and about the sacredness of relationships and I thought it was a sign that I had stayed a virgin, so that now I could pursue a "chaste and pure" lifestyle.

Now I left this chaste pure mentality behind and am very open about kinks and sexuality but feel very alienated from my peers still. I'm not saving myself for marriage, nor do I really want marriage. But I still have this notion in me that those religious practices and beliefs are the goal of life or at least a big help in my life and my peers cannot relate.

Sorry for making this so long. Best wishes to everyone!

P.s. I love the monthly goal and Inspiration posts 😊🏵