I was just wondering if any of you identify as Demiromantic / sexual. It's something that I have very recently found out about myself and it definitely helped me understand more why I am a late bloomer at the grand age of 45.

I was the nerdy / geeky chubby teen throughout highschool and I never had a crush on someone. There were a couple of guys I was friendly with but I never saw them as more than friends. I was never asked out either but I also realize now that I never gave a "I want to date someone" vibe. When I was at university, I was always the best friend and a lot of guys used me actually date friends of mine. We spent a lot of time together etc and in the end they'd call and be like: "Do you think X would be interested in dating me?" I focused on studies on forgot about dating.

At some point I met a guy great online who lived in The US (I am in Belgium) and we became penpals / great friends. One year my parents and I had planned a trip to The US and we decided to stop by his town since we had been chatting for like 3/4 years by that point. Also sent gifts to his parents etc A few weeks before our trip he came out to his parents and to me. I was crushed. Obviously he was a friend but there was that "what if" in my head because it had always felt like more and with the possibility of a relationship. That was 20 years ago and believe me there were no red flag. As of to this day he passes as a cis man.

I realize now that this experience really broke me. It took me being 30s to go on dating apps again and it never worked out. Couldn't get dates, sometimes out of fear, sometimes because I'd be made fun of for having no experience. During that time I had one bad experience with a narcisstic abuser. We talked for months and he never showed up when we were supposed to be and then invented all these lies until his girlfriend messaged me... Lets add that to the pile of trauma.

I gave up dating and continued with my life. I had a really good social life at one point... Traveling, going to concerts abroad, meeting new people,... Then my parents got health issues and I became their caretakers. In 2019 I again met a great guy online but the distance got the best of our romantic relationship. We never met but he managed to make me understand that I was beautiful and wanted. We are still friends to this day.

In September I met someone here and I thought he'd be the one to finally experience something real. It took me a month to have feelings for him which was incredibly fast for me but our connection was just amazing. Then something happened in his personal life and he just became cold and insensitive overnight... I will never truly know the truth (really being overwhelmed or playing with meà because he refused to have chat to give me closure and he blocked me. I guess in the end it doesn't matter because the ending is still the same. I have again to grief another failed attempt at a relationship.

I know that I am not conventionally beautiful but I take good care of myself, I have a personal sense of style. I am a good person with a big heart. I have dealt with so many family crisis and always took care of everybody. I just have had the worst luck when it comes to men and it's really getting to me at the end of this year. I lost my mom last year and it just adds to me feeling the loneliest I have ever been. My friends have also become somewhat distant... To be honest I really don't know what to do anymore...

I am experienced at life just not at a romantic life. I am not a prude either. I have learned about my kinks, I have healthy solo sex life etc I am just terrified of trying a dating app again because I feel like these days my life story is a huge red flag when it just comes down to back luck and well life. All I want is someone open minded who will have the patience to get to know me.