I've always wanted to be a relationship but I know I'll never be treated as well as my friends are in theirs. They're all actually gorgeous gorgeous girls (they've all done modeling while we were in college, helped pay off our engineering degrees) and they all have such great personalities too, so it's not just looks. And they're all talented and generous and thoughtful and funny and great to be around. Their SOs are all obsessed with them.

And yes, I do wish it was me too. And they all always say they can't wait to see how I am in a relationship, because they've never seen me in one. But it's wayyyyy too late to have anything like a first GLANCE because I haven't even had that with anyone lol. I'm 24. I know I'm young. I just started my big girl career. But, to even tell someone I might like them for the first time?? Lol. Way too old for that. Maybe first real relationship would've been fine. But it's the FIRST firsts that I'm too old for.

I don't think I'm built for a relationship either. I'd be such a doormat. I'd be so willing to get abused, just to keep the SO. I have always been the type to get seriously taken advantage of and have developed toxic codependent relationships with others. It's not for me. It's sad, but its not for me. I was not made to be loved in a romantic capacity. And that's what keeps me up at night despite drowning in the love of my friends and family. Does that make me shallow? Perhaps. It's funny because I've also been a hopeless romantic lol. But I am a realist who's only ever known what it's like to be alone in this way and none of my future plans take an SO into consideration.