I've been lurking here for a long while now, back and forthing about whether or not to give this a try, and decided just now... I might as well. As a warning, this will be a kind of long post, and im going to be very open and honest about myself as I am tired of getting my hopes up. If emotional tenderness and sensitive topics are something that you don't like, you may want to just... not waste your time. But if you do read, thank you, and know I already like you a bit more just for hearing me out. Before I begin- yes, I'm open to long distance. :)

I have been through a lot in my life. I won't get into it here, but you can feel to ask in private, as long as you are respectful and patient if im not ready to fully open up about stuff right away. :) I start out with this because I believe that in trying to form a lasting relationship, a potential partner should know what they're getting into. I struggle with mental illness, and have for many years. Right now, I'm doing quite well for the most part. I have learned a lot of skills that help me cope, and have learned a lot about myself which helps me to continue to better myself. My issues mainly effect my self confidence, serotonin levels, and ability to socialize comfortably. These usually manifest as depression, bouts of intense social anxiety, and the need to self isolate for varied lengths of time. I am a person who benefits greatly from both friends and romantic partners who are patient, loving, understanding, and willing to have difficult conversations from time to time.

If that didn't scare you away, congratulations to the both of us! To you for being a kind person willing to give even the post a read, and to me for still having your attention :3

When I have become comfortable with a person, I tend to think (and have been told by important folks in my life ) that I am a pretty fun person. I love telling jokes, playing harmless pranks (never hurtful things!), complimenting those I care about, supporting people however I can. As for my interests, I'm very very into gaming, books, forums, YouTube stuff, music, fashion, fandoms, card games... your standard nerd fare. If you get me going about the lore behind a piece of media I love, you'll probably never get me quiet, haha. I'm especially into Magic the Gathering, the Elder Scrolls, anime, western cartoons, and the Star Wars EU (RIP). As for my music tastes, I like a bit of everything but especially enjoy MOST subjenres of metal (especially technical death metal, death metal, black metal, symphonic metal and thrash), punk, and rap/hip-hop. Send me a playlist!

My love language is often nonverbal... sometimes I struggle to out loud say how much someone means to me, out of fear they won't say it back. But you can bet your buns I'll send you memes tailored to your humor and hobbies, shower you with small gifts, cook for you when you're around, and lean into you for physical touch... and also probably stare at you a lot when you aren't looking.

I prefer clear and direct when it comes to serious topics- I dislike it when people beat around the bush. I deeply crave attention and affection from those I am romantically involved with, lapses in communication and tonal shifts can be kinda hard for me- but I'm actively working on acknowledging my own anxieties surrounding the presence of others. In other words, for this section- communication is key for lil ol me.

I'm 5'3, and around 200lbs, but am on a goal of losing (I'm down from 310 since 2018, please clap!) MY hair color and style changes frequently, but right now it's pretty long, dyed black with blue streaks with short bangs. As my avatar suggests, I do have several tattoos, and I do have a couple of piercings (not a whole lot, and it's all very symmetrical xD). I should wear glasses daily but often forget. I have grayish eyes, and tend to just wear band shirts, hahaha. Your looks, however, probably don't matter to me!

I am bi, but I am currently questioning my sexuality in terms of whether or not I may be demi. This is related to the hard past. Full clarity, I do experience sexual attraction sometimes, and I do enjoy sex, but please respect this: I do not want you to ask me sexual questions about myself, my past self, or my body until I initiate those discussions. Please. Sex and intimacy are extremely wrapped in trust for me. If we click, we will get there. And it will be worth the wait. But please be patient ok?

I have two masters degrees, one in electronic music and recording media, the other in interdisciplinary computer science. Right now I'm employed full time in the Bay Area of California as a supervisor at a factory where we 3d print home electronics. (Under an NDA, so I won't divulge more here, haha). I prefer that my partners also be employed, as I have goals for marriage and future home ownership. I absolutely LOVE my job and can't wait to gush about it with someone who is happy to hear me be happy- and I can't hear about your job too, even if you hate yours and need to vent. Though I did say I prefer an employed partner, I am also still open to speaking with someone who isnt- as long as there is an intention to self improve in some way, or if there is some valid reason why not. I just don't want to be held back from my career goals at all, I have had yo fight very very hard to get to where I am now. Let's grow together!

I'm looking for a fellow nerd who is down to invest a bit of time and effort... and who also wants to walk as a team on the path of self improvement, healing, and growth. I'm not sure what else to say, but feel free to check out my post history to see my interests in action, I guess.

Final note, my political preferences are very very liberal (I'm in the United States, for clarity. While I am open to speaking with anyone of any political leaning, let's both remember to be respectful if we start a debate, ok? We can all learn something from new perspectives.)

Well... cya!

Edit; I realized a few more details might be helpful so added in some additional stuff above! If I think of more I might update again. Anyways, I hope this works. I want to find love so dearly. I hope you're out there, whoever you are. Also this is totally a copy of my attempt here from last year with minor tweaks based on things I've settled on. Don't judge me.