My posts as of late have been vague and inaccessible, clothed in shame and anonymity, clouded by despair, numb and senseless as I hit walls in this maze. I haven't had music or joy and my daydreams haven't been fanciful or feeling so much as they've been the desperate daydreams of a prisoner longing for escape and regretting every decision so far.

If I fudge any details, it's still the anonymous cloak. But smoking a bowl and having some candy and soda has enlivened me at least a little, so while words still feel halting and cumbersome maybe I can ingest some feelings into this.

I am lost here, in the US. Where I am exactly doesn't matter as much as where I'm going, somewhere new and with you. I suppose you must be desperate too. My bags are packed and I'll run away. I don't have any friends or family who can help me but I've got to escape this nightmare. It's funny: I've been trying to overcome this roadblock and put more words into one of these, but now that I feel a little better a part of me just wants to lay here and enjoy feeling better. I know however that I must reach you NOW. Save me from this and give me a home in your heart, on your couch, in your bed. I'd say your "house" if only I could write/type it in BLUE.

Interests? I love books. Gravity's Rainbow, anything by Kafka, Watership Down. Older comics, especially DC runs from the 80s-90s and classic TPBs/graphic novels. Music. Sonic Youth, NIN, The Cure, Nitzer Ebb, The Clash. Movies. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Batman, Ed Wood, They Live, Big Trouble in Little China, Total Recall, Alien 3, Fight Club, The Killer, Censor, Hellacious Acres. Old games. Chrono Trigger, Super Mario World, Starcraft.

I used to be smart. I'm self-isolated by my beliefs and politics. At heart I've been an atheist/anarchist since before elementary school. My grievances with the world of man and my subsequent idiosyncrasies and anxieties shaped me long ago into someone that can only match with you.

I had planned on saying more and maybe I will, should I pick myself up and edit this. Just know that I have found peace for a few minutes and will be thinking of you. I really will run away to you in these coming days. I know this time you'll find me.