Be warned; this post is, in part, an unfiltered, unapologetic humble-brag. Not for the purposes of being like "I'm so great etc etc," but in fact almost the opposite. It's more like "hey, I thought these were great things, so why am I alone?"

For starts, a little background- I had a kid at 24 years old, before I was on any real career trajectory. The mother and I were engaged at one point, but after many years of trying to hold it together it slowly fell apart. That really crushed me for a while. I spent the next few years picking up the pieces, trying to build up a career to man up and fulfill my fatherly duties, and finding some solace in the occasional random fling just for pleasure and validation, but knowing that my heart was nowhere near ready to love again. My self-esteem was in tatters and I was an emotional wreck due to the psychological abuse I endured during my relationship with a compulsive liar/serial cheater... I'm talking serious trust issues.

Fast forward to now, and my general confidence is up across the board. I have an excellent career as a skilled tradesman/contractor. I just turned 40 but I'm arguably in better shape than I was in my 20s (I was a pretty wirey guy growing up and even into young adulthood, but 15 yrs of construction has built me up quite a bit!). My kid is going into sophomore year of high school and will be off to college before I know it. This gives me a tremendous sense of pride and accomplishment, and it also means that for the first time since before she was born, I can finally shift some of the focus back to myself and my needs as a man. I spent countless hours working on my mental health, rising above the pain and the scars that had kept me from pursuing meaningful connection for so long.

As far as what I bring to the table, I am an intelligent, articulate, reasonably educated man with an athletic/blue -collar side who is hard-working, loyal, nurturing, and highly considerate of other people's needs. People often seem to think I'm funny, but my sense of humor isn't for everyone. I have gotten enough compliments on my looks to feel like I am fairly conventionally attractive, though I'm only 5'8 so that seems to be my major shortcoming (pun intended) physically. I'm well-travelled and open-minded.

...so why am I alone? Why does every person I meet, every relationship I pursue, just become a dead end? People flake, people ghost, people jerk me around like I don't have feelings over here. If I'm measured and respectful initially, then it's like I'm too slow-moving or boring for them. If I'm aggressive out the gate, then it's like I'm too pushy or clingy. I can't win. If I try the clear communication route and just try to ask directly what they are looking for, then I'm weird for asking apparently.... like I should just know what a total stranger wants in a relationship?

I hope this doesn't come across as a complaint-riddled pity post; I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I'm not trying to complain at all, but more just trying to understand what's at play here. All of the humble-bragging in this post was intentionally mentioned for the reason that all of those things are 1) things that I have heard many many women say are important aspects they look for in a partner, and 2) things that I genuinely believe to be true about myself or have been told by people that they are true about me.

Maybe this is just dating as a single dad at 40... I get that that narrows my options a lot considering that my standards are still fairly high. But I just refuse to believe that there isn't someone out there that could make me as happy as I could make them.