I'm gonna rant here for a bit, so excuse my babble.

I'm unsure if I'm the only one who feels like this but recently this feeling has been swirling in my mind. I'm currently not in a relationship at the moment, and I enjoy quite a bit being single (I was in a 7 year relationship that has ended) and I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want. Not have to worry about anyone else, not fear being abused and or being isolated from people...however, I hate the feeling of being lonely.

Part of me wants to date, but I'm also terrified of getting stuck in a relationship where I'm abused or miserable again. I dont want to keep jumping between relationships to hopfully find someone who makes me feel like they are home, and accept all of me. To find someone who I can connect with on a deeper level and isn't sex crazy.

Yet, I dont want a relationship either. I don't want to deal with the bullshit, the lack of communications and constant trust issues that this society has developed. I want to improve myself, I want to focus on my future and career. I want to do small milestones on my own without feeling like I need someone next to me...but I crave that connection.

Maybe I'm falling into that mindset of thinking I need a partner in my life to share everything with. To have someone who is just the cherry on top to my world.

I try to make friends, which is hard durning this pandemic. My in real life friends are limited, most are married with kids or have already moved away (I'm 26yrs). There's only a few, less then a handful of online friends I talk to because people on here or in general love to ghost the moment they find someone more interesting, attractive and or someone that dates them after the first message. Call me old fashion but I rather get to know someone inside and out before dating them.

I guess I just want to feel wanted, needed, or cared for. Regardless if it's in a friend dynamic or a romantic one.

Does anyone else feel this way?