The beginning of 2020, I was employed, I had a positive housing situation ie a healthy environment that was secure. I was coming out of my shell at work, dare i say developing relationships.

The end of 2020, I am homeless, unemployed, not a person alive to call a friend. And certainly no women into me. I mean there was one , but I scared her off.

I know I came a long way this year. I didn't touch cocaine at all this year. I stopped drinking soda. I started working out, semi regularly (its hard to get a schedule in when your living situation is blowing up constantly) Got my notary commission I am not as stressed as i used to be*

• not stressed. But still alone. Still miserable. Still wondering why I keep going?

For context, and i mean its probably my fault im 26 and a bum living back his moms, but yea my mom wants to throw me out into the cold on the whim of her husband. The irony is he put his hands on me earlier and I could have had his ass thrown in jail for battery.

Again i must ask, whats the point? I refrain from doing so , to remain the bigger man? Shit I refrained from gutting him where he stood, again, to be the bigger man?

I am wondering do we ever just accept that maybe some of us are doormats? Maybe we're meant to get shit on.

Sorry if this is too much.

Edited to add my notary commission accomplishment. I probably accomplished more too so maybe ill more if/when I remember.

I guess it helps to see that I did things this year even though i feel like dying.