I've been in this constant cycle for about a year now of taking steps to improve myself such as losing weight, expanding my knowledge, working on my "look", not drinking and even trying NoFap. Ultimately I always end up giving up on these things because it doesn't take long for me to go back to old habits because I realize these things aren't helping me be happier in the slightest. I've lost 85 pounds and I still feel the same as I did before that. I went a month without touching myself or drinking and in the end I realize it didn't help me the same way it seemed to help others. I don't know if it's something wrong with my brain, some sort of past trauma, loneliness, or what but it just always feels like there's an empty void in me. It feels like nothing matters and anything I do won't solve this problem. I'm doomed to just live out this empty life until my timer runs out.

I guess in a way I'm lucky that I haven't had much luck in love because it still gives me one shred of hope that I can find happiness. I've heard numerous time that love makes it all worth while. Surely there must be a reason so it's in so many movies, books, and even video games. I don't want to live my life just sitting around, waiting for something to great to happen I really don't. Apparently I was born without the part of my brain that makes talking to romantic interests so easy that so many people seem to have. Even if I magically found that part of my brain I'm cursed to live in a small town where there isn't exactly good places to meet women. I don't even know what the point of this post was. I just really needed to rant a bit.