Yo!

Short background story, I was in a dark, dark place for a long time which took me a lot of hard work and self reflection to get out of. Naturally, when you're not happy with yourself you can never be happy in a relationship, at least for me. During that period I felt like no girl would ever want me.

The past year and a half however I'm happier than I've ever been. I understand my emotions and deal with them, ask help when it's needed or work it out myself when I know I can. I have developped my passions, understand what I want in life, got a good job, all around very balanced.

However, one thing that keeps bugging me about myself is that something is still stopping me from having a connection with girls. I'm not afraid to be flirty (I do that all the time with female friends because it's "safe" I guess) and I'm confident with who I am, but when my advances are returned I have no freaking clue what to do. I keep doubting myself in the moment with the usual arguments I have with myself.

Are you sure she likes you?

You don't want to come off as a creep and she would be an amazing friend do you want to blow that chance by being too forward?

Those are the most common ones that I think off in the moments themselves. This always stops me from taking the leap of faith so to say.

I'm not really sure what the problem is though, as I said, nowadays I'm pretty confident, but when it comes down to it I still hold myself back. Do any of you recognize this problem? Have you found a way to work on it? Do you know your own reasons for having that fear?

I know it's a mental block and I could say like out friendly actual cannibal to just do it, but in the moments itself the fear (for a lack of a better word) is too big and I talk myself out of it.

Maybe I'm just so used to the fantasy of a relationship that I'm too scared of making it real, which is ridiculous.

Edit: Thanks for all the replies! After reflecting on it for a while and deciding what kind of person I want to be and am right now I'm a lot closer to understanding myself and finding hapiness. We judge others by their actions and ourselves by intent. I won't let the flaws of others hold me back in persuing hapiness, if others see me as a creep or desperate, so be it, I won't sacrifice my hapiness for their opinion. Still scary to step out of your comfort zone though, but I'm willing to take that step.