My entire life, ever since I was a child, I was captivated by stories. My actual life has alway been horrendously boring. I used to play by myself in imaginary worlds (that were usually influenced by either Final Fantasy games or MTG cards and lore). It was "normal" for me to never really have playdates or go to birthdays, even though that's completely abnormal and my parents did very little to help guide me.

When I became a teenager, these habits continued, only they expanded slightly. I would still role play internally with those two types of settings, but they expanded a bit into worlds where I was living as a soldier in a sci-fi world influenced mostly by Starcraft, but they also started turning into more realistic worlds where I was a start athlete. I would make up scenarios where I would hang out with the kids at school, while they were actually doing it and living life.

This continued into college, and even after. I would pace around at home with these entirely fabricated stories of a social life in my head. It eventually turned into a continuous story with plot continuity. While this was happening, I simultaneously developed another fantasy world where I was a professional boxer in which I analogized all of my struggles into different opponents I would fight. This continues up to this day, where now I am in my mid 30s and still am in the same habit. I will pace around at home and still turn my life into this metaphorical boxing career as a way of fantasizing and passing time.

While everyone else lived their life, I lived so many fake ones in my head and allowed my real one to pass me by. But what else was I to do? I've never told any of my therapists or psychiatrists this. It's maybe the most embarrassing quality about me - and being 36 years old and on this sub, well that's saying a lot.

I've never been diagnosed with Autism, and in real life, like at work, I appear somewhat normal and outgoing. But i've always had trouble making actual friends and connections, and I think to cope, I would live out these fantasies in my head instead of trying to actually live a real life.

Does anyone else suffer from maladaptive daydreaming like this or in any other way? I can't even fully express it and my experiences with it here because it's so pathetic I'm fighting back tears just finishing this sentence.