I’m still oddly curious about sex and drugs and alcohol. I’ve never been comfortable with or had the opportunity to experience them. I feel like a freshman that has a natural curiosity about them. But those people get to see what the big deals all about.

Not me. Nope. I’m a full grown adult that hasn’t developed naturally. Never got the chance to experiment and be rebellious. Or have fun and make young and stupid mistakes which turn into fun memories to look back on. Nope.

I just have a youth and adulthood full of misery and unrealized fantasies. Yes I could drink or smoke by myself. But I grew up with an extreme fear of both and never really had an interest because of that. I used to think they were immoral but now I realize that was just a defense mechanism. I just want to h a those experiences and try things with someone.

I was a goodie two shoes. Not because I wanted to be. But because I never had a choice. All the “bad” kids that’s broke the rules and did normal things? Doing fine or even thriving. Me? Hanging out alone on another Friday night.