No, nobody's life is perfect and everyone gets disappointed. But when it's all you know, it's rare, and it's devastating. Just think about fantasies and hopes. Eventually, most people have their hopes met in some way, particularly when it comes to meeting "the one". Or at least one.

But not us, no. Instead, we hope, sometimes just minutely, every time we meet someone that it will work. And it doesn't. And so we hope again, and again, and again, and again. Each time, at some point our hopes are crushed. Sometimes immediately, sometimes it takes longer, and during that time, our hopes swell, and when they're destroyed it hurts even more. How many times are you supposed to endure that? How many YEARS can someone be expected to be able to even maintain the capacity to hope. Hoping naively that any time you leave your house it could FINALLY be the time you meet them. And it never is.

Eventually you become unable to look at reality accurately. Everything is gloomy and there's a sense of defeat over everything, even if you don't even try it. But maybe that is actually an accurate perspective. I don't know. I just know that hope can't live forever. It's essentially a candle, and everyone's starts at a different length and burns at different speeds.

Normal people aren't beaten down by life at every moment year after year for decades. they don't have spend weekend after weekend in excruciating loneliness for fucking years on end. They get to partake in life. I don't even need a great life at this point, I just want to feel normal.

I have more I wanted to write but I dont even have the energy and that level of fatigue is kind of what im talking about. wh