I don’t know how much more of a fight I have in me. I’m in my mid 30s and every day has been and continues to be a fight. Life isn’t supposed to be this way, where you wake up and all that consistently awaits you is a inner battle as to whether or not it’s worth it to continue.

I’m not making a threat, but I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this. I always dreamed, for years, that I’d have some redemption arc and fulfill all the desires I had, that the misery would be worth it, maybe even a fuel that is the catalyst for a life change.

But none of that ever happened, no matter what I did. Idk anymore if it’s my looks or how fucked up mentally I’ve become but god damn how did I end up here? I can’t enjoy anything anymore, and that Anhedonia has crept up swallowing more and more every year. Even typing this is a chore.

Life really is so unfair how it distributes it’s graces and joys.