I’ve been single about 15 years. It has not been by choice that’s for sure. Unfortunately I’m not an attractive person, and an anti-social introvert to boot. I mean I can talk and listen well enough but definitely not enough to get someone interested in me looking beyond the looks.

That being said, I’ve tried to be ok with being single. Tried the improvement thing. Tried the solo adventures thing. Tried to socialize where I can, work and friends and in games and I’m generally liked. But at the end of the day, that’s not the creature I am. I’m not the kind of person that’s ok being single. The times I did try to find someone all ended in failure. It’s disappointing but I think it’s unobtainable.

It’s not a good feeling, failing. I mean, we all have hopes, goals, and dreams right? It wouldn’t sit well with us not being able to do what we want, or being able to obtain what we desire. I mean we move past it as best we can, cope, divide our time to distractions.

…Well maybe distractions is the wrong word… it sounds like a means to an end which is escaping the reality of the situation. Living our life moving past failures and… not letting it be a failure? Just another paragraph/page/chapter in our life? This applies to anything really, jobs we want, wanting to travel, winning competitions, etc etc. We can choose to let it hang over us and bring us down but we don’t want it to. So we either distract, or move on and it doesn’t bother us because we replaced it, or it isn’t important anymore so it doesn’t matter, or it is important enough and we try again.

But I’m tired… it’s demoralizing to know as a person you’re generally unwanted as a partner. I mean it’s ok, I get it. Our nature wants us to find a good mate and I know I’m not the best pickings. Of course I’m in a good space and I know my own worth so I won’t jump into any relationship for the sake of being in one. Well no one has come to me so far and liked me anyways haha…ha…

Sigh… maybe it’ll happen, maybe not. I think I’d regret it more if I didn’t try.