It's been 20 years since I came into this world with a disgusting shit bag for a body, and every stage of regular human development was wasted on me. I spent the first 7 years of my life rotting away in hospitals and physical therapy centers, unable to do anything that a normal child gets to enjoy. Elementary school and middle school went unbelievably dull, but highschool was the absolute worst. I just sat in the middle of the class for 8 hours, without having a single meaningful interaction with anyone.

I haven't experienced anything someone would have experienced by my age. I've never had sex, I've never had a girlfriend, I've never dated, no one has ever liked me, I've never partied, I've never gotten drunk, I've never traveled alone, I've never known what it's like to have your heart burned with the beautiful fear of confessing your feelings to a crush. I'll never know how it feels to be desired and loved by a member of the opposite sex. I've never even held a girl's hand before...

Because I don't deserve it. I'm a weak, ugly, cowardly, incompetent, unintelligent, impotent vermin who has no use for anybody. I couldn't even get out of my mother's vagina correctly, failing the simplest act of breathing oxygen and fucking myself forever. I'm not a part of the human civilization, I'm only kept alive because it's illegal to kill me.

TL;DR: I only had one chance to exist as a concious human being in a universe that had given me 14 billion years to do it right, and I fucked it up. Now I will suffer.