How do I explain this I feel detached from my own species at times. I feel like I'm an outsider observing the daily life another world or another people I can never be part. It's like that scene in Joker where Arthur talks about how for the longest time, he didn't feel like he existed. I mean is it weird that watching Joker feels like I'm watching my own life? Minus the violence of course.

Whenever I think about how I feel the backstory of Gyro often comes to mind and how the narrator described him feeling like he wasn't human. That just resonates with me, and I sometimes wonder if they something in my brain is broken or if I'm just built different.

I can't remember the last time I formed a bond with someone or cared enough to open up and when I do it turns out to be a big mistake. It just feels like my life is a cruel joke at times. Either I keep my guard up or let it down only for someone to take advantage. Like around and around I go only to end up back where I started.

Day to day it's like I'm a machine I get up go to work and I go home my life is just so constrained even if I had somewhere to go to hang out, I'm terrible at socializing. I'm tired of feeling numb all the time.