IT IS GAMEDAY, BOYS AND GIRLS!

Our Gators are taking on the Utah Utes IN THE SWAMP at 7 pm. I’m including some useful links for all to use which include scheduling, predictions, and statistical analyses by the one and only Bud Davis. They should give a sense of what to look for in this game (and should stop the mods from deleting my post)! And I personally guarantee* a victory!

MORE importantly, message to the Gator sub fam:

———

Here we are.

First game of the season. A tough game and the first game of the Billy Napier era. And so here we are, facing a battle instead of a cupcake. Coach Napier says it’s “healthy”—and he’s right.

It's been too long. But you know what? No Gator ever won a game by dying for his team. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard (Diabate) die for his. Everything you heard last season about the Gators not having fight in them? That was a load of horse-dung. Gators love to fight. All true Gators love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired Tebow. Gators love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. And we don't give a hoot in hell for Mullen--who lost and laughed. The very thought of losing is hateful to a Gator.

By God, I actually pity those poor Ute bastards we’re going up against. By Tebow, I do. We’re not just going to pass on the bastards. We’re going to run through their living guts and use them to grease up AR for hurdles. We’re going to score on those Utes by the bushel-fucking-barrel!

And I don’t want a single Florida fan hoping we “try to put up a good fight” in this game. We’re not “putting up” a goddamn thing. Let the Utes do that. Napier is advancing constantly and Richardson isn’t interested in putting up anything but TDs and NQW is ready to Gator Chomp some Ute balls. We're going to hold them by the balls and we're going to kick them in the ass; twist their balls and kick the living shit out of them all the time. Our plan of operation is to advance and keep on advancing. We're going to go through the Utes—and Tennessee, and Kentucky, and Georgia, and the entire SEC—like shit through a tinhorn!

So now—finally—it’s playing season. We made it. And there's one thing you all will be able to say when Saturdays in the Fall are over and you pay attention to your families again. Four months from now, when you're sitting by your Green Egg—with a photo of us winning the Natty one one Jorted-knee and your kid on the other Jorted-knee—and your kids asks, “What did you do in Napier Year 1?” You won't have to cough and say, “Well…I…I watched the highlights on YouTube the next day like a Seminole.” Or “what’s football?” like a Miami fan. No sir, you can look ‘em straight in the eye and say 'I shitposted with the great Florida Gators Subreddit, and a son-of-a-goddamned-bitch named Blue Chip Billy Napier!”

All right, you degens. You know how I feel. And I'm proud to go through this season and the game threads with each and every one of you. That’s all.

GDE.