The weather outside is changing. Lovely spring days are slowly being replaced by days of relentless summer heat. In a similar fashion, college football is changing seasons. Spring practice is over, the Orange and Blue Game is finished, and the NFL draft is incrementally absorbing our beloved athletes. These are the dark and dreary days of the college football calendar. But beat writers must continue to garner clicks. And their content, well it’s what makes this season especially dangerous for you and me. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re entering Puff Piece Season. Prepare yourselves.

Puff Piece Season is all about HYPE. Hype knows no boundaries. Hype is dangerous. Hype leads to unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment. Disappointment leads to anger. Anger leads to /r/FloridaGators rants. And /r/FloridaGators rants make this place as enjoyable as getting shampoo in your eyes.

Even if we had the worst roster in Gators history, every single Florida beat writer would still generate at least one Puff Piece for us over the summer. It is inevitable. We WANT to read exclusively good news about our program. Hype articles will be written whether they are deserved or not. Read them. Enjoy the content. Don’t use them to set your expectations.

Now the fun part. Just as the Ghost of Christmas Past forced Scrooge to face his blemished Christmas history, so I will force us to revisit outrageous Puff Pieces from season’s past.

Article 1

100 reasons to be excited for Florida Gators football in 2013

Best Line: ALL OF IT.

Review: Written in the summer of 2013, this might be the type-species of what you should be wary of. So many unrealistic expectations that would be shattered by the subsequent 4-8 season.

Article 2

Offseason dedication will determine Florida Gators success

Best Line: One of the biggest influences on the team is the strength and conditioning coach. Under McElwain that man is Mike Kent.

Review: Now widely regarded as one of the worst hires of the McElwain era, even Mike “Only Does Stretches” Kent got a Summer Puff Piece

Article 3

Roper facing high expectations as offensive coordinator

Best Line: Muschamp needed to make a philosophical shift from the run-dominated thinking of your father’s time to the spread offenses of your iPhone-wielding younger brother.

Review: Even though it’s not a blatant puff piece. We were so happy to be rid of Brent Pease that we didn’t realize we got Kurt Roper.

Article 4

Air Jordan: Offense debut worth the wait

Best Line: And while that story won’t be told until Florida is able to play more than just its opening kickoff (cue Valdez Showers pun here), one thing is certain about Roper’s offense: The pieces are there.

Review: The pieces weren’t there.

Article 5

Driskel looking to jumpstart Florida offense in 2014

Best Line: “I think Jeff is the best quarterback in college football,” Hargreaves said.

Review: Driskel would complete less than 55% of his passes, throw more INTs than TDs, be replaced by Treon Harris, and ultimately transfer to the Cincinnati Bengals.

Article 6

Greg Nord brings experience, passion to Florida

Best Line: Unfortunately, as a new coach, he was unaware that the player he was eyeballing as a potential special teams contributor was actually already in the NFL.

Review: Fuck Greg Nord.

Article 7

Is Dre Massey Florida's secret weapon on offense?

Best Line: After weeks of waiting, receiver Dre Massey finally made a few big plays.

Review: Dre Massey has more hype articles than career receptions.

Article 8

The Florida Gators are betting on offensive line

Best Line: “I think 100 percent,” [McElwain] said when asked if the offensive line would be the biggest factor against Michigan.

Review: Technically, Mac was right. During the 2017 season, Florida QBs took sacks on a whopping 11% of dropbacks.

Article 9

Randy Shannon putting his stamp on Gators defense

Best Line: “Everybody is more vocal, from the D-line like when they see a formation – we’re going over formations and everything – when they see a formation they call it out and communicate it to us, so we communicate to the secondary and stuff and everybody just talks to each other and makes it way easier and play faster.”

Review: Randy Shannon’s FAST SIMPLE DEFENSE never worked. Over a three-game stretch we allowed 7.1 yards per play and 38 points per game to Georgia, Missouri, and a Will Muschamp-coached South Carolina.

Article 10

Randy Shannon’s leap of faith in C.J. McWilliams kept him with Gators

Best Line: “After my third season of high school, I wasn’t getting interest from any schools,” said McWilliams… But Randy Shannon came in right away and saw the ability of C.J. from the ground level.

Review: How can we get Randy Shannon to UGA?