My wife (37f) and I (38m) have been married for 12 years, together for 15. We have been having trouble for a while now, and have been in couples therapy for about 6 months.

After our last session, I realized I’m not really flirting/pursuing her like she needs. She wants a sensation of suspense/anticipation/intrigue. We were friends for a few years before we started dating, and during that time leading up to when we got together, I was a heavy drinker, but that made me a lot more fun/carefree which she resonated with. But I committed myself to stop drinking before we started dating, and over time, I reverted to this awkward person, never quite sure how to interact. I was never the kind of guy that was good with it to begin with. I have always had difficulty talking with people -I’m a self described automaton - and got worse as time went on and kids came along. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, and it makes her upset because it doesn’t feel natural. I realized that it makes her feel like a puzzle to solve, not a woman to love.

Help me flirt. Help me get that spark back!