This is a little emotional snapshot. A quick moment of blowing off steam. Why I am no longer dating vanilla dating 99.9% of men (and no you aren’t the one).

In this post, there is a conversation that I find interesting. Well, maybe my reaction is more interesting than the conversation… the conversation is very man-centric, sex-centric, a woman is talked about only as an object, a wet hole to fill for cash.

I must say, fuck this noise.

I appreciate sw/sugar bees/pro bdsm workers (and am one) because it provides value to one’s life when most men don’t otherwise.

So, let’s take a big step back and consider the many reasons why these role are ever growing in popularity and why they seem to be so outwardly upsetting to so many, particularly younger, men.

Clear expectations are kind, they must be considered and laid out.

I’m not interested in being anyone’s low expectations, part time don’t-make-me-wear-a-condom fuck buddy. I don’t care how great the sex is, it’s rarely because of the dude in the room. I got over this type, who needs to be told to wash his sheets and have clean towels, so long ago.

Doing the work around logistics and emotional labor is important and compensating that work is absolutely fair. So often a man will ask ‘when are you free’ the laziest question possible. Not offering a time, day, or place but expecting that work to be completely handled for them. I run into this vanilla, sugar, doesn’t matter. There is a failure to put forth effort from the majority that is disheartening and thus, I expect my work will be compensated. Or do the damn work yourself.

Next is effort levels in showing up. My mascara costs money, the heels, outfits, (therapy,) yoga classes, my skin care regime is an investment - how much of this do most men feel societally compelled to do? When is the last time a ‘typical man’ ironed something for a date?

I have learned to be clear about it:

If men want my time, they can invest in me. What a man can add to my life often starts and stops at money because they don’t know how to or don’t want to put in any effort.

I absolutely welcome the exception, but he must follow the new script first and prove himself worthy.

I don’t date cheap, low effort men because they are not impressive and don’t add value to my life.