cope with regret

how do you cope with regret and stop blaming yourself. Excuse me for ask the same thing here and there, also English is not my 1st language, so my sentences might sound clumsy.

I have fibromyalgia and other neurological symptoms with slower reaction and mobility, brainfog, bad cognitive funtion. I guess maybe my nerve systems are impaired, yet didn't find the exact reason. but my pain is better after starting to take enough pills just last year, in 2023, so I rather stop sturuggling to find what it is, even though I still have those symptoms.

However, the thing is that I can't stop blaming my self for those reasons below.

1. I can't tell you the whole story but my chronic pain was started in 2012 by my fault, with ignorance and mistakes and illusion, no excuse.

2.I lost one of the most important provate insurance that cover almost ecerything by ignorance, and it affected on my treatment path

1. I didn't handle my disease well, didn't follow the standard medication which other people did. I didn't search enough or try to ind out or learn about my symtom, and also didn't follow the doctor's instructions.

Also I've lost too many chances to get better. I just kept sleeping drastically about 12-15 everyday and made my brain and nerve system in worse condition. I suspect i have had intracranial pressure - not diagnosed just my thought, and made it worse by sleeping all day.

Moreover I was just being lazy with diet, exercise, and stretching as well, Even though I was in severe pain all the time especially in my head and neck- My head always seemed swallen cuz of it in the past, dunno what was happening inside the skelaton but maybe my brain did so too, and I even stammered a lot cuz of prounouciation and brain fog.

Now, as i mentions, I am trying to follow the least of the instruction at last, as much as i can take with my anxiety level, and its much better. but of course still I have many symptoms and can't manage enough physical/cognitive ability to proper work.

I can't forgive my past with 12 year, which i barely remember in brain fog, and hate myself for having done and livedlike that. I really can't stop think about it sometimes. it feels like I always chose the worst thing for my mental and body for last 17 years.

I've lost everything including my youth and my pet. I don't know what I can do, or How I would start to live now, I am over 30 living with my parents, without being able to having a proper enogh job, relationship or anything.