I can't do this anymore. I've been taking Provera everyday for the past two months and I still bleed and I'm still in pain. I've discussed with my doctors and there isn't much they can do until surgery day.

I hate how my fibroids are fighting the medication and doing everything possible to bleed.

I hate that I've had three blood transfusions this year.

I hate that I've had four iron infusions. I hate taking the iron pills. I threw up three times. One when I was driving home and one woke up vomiting in the middle of the night.

I hated having to take the ambulance because the bleeding wouldn't stop. I hated seeing the nurses clean up the blood from my legs. I hated almost passing out that day because of how much blood I had lost.

I hated that I had to try going through an MRI even though I'm claustrophobic. I hated that the meds didn't work and I couldn't finish the MRI.

I hate not being able to wear the clothes I love to wear. I miss wearing jeans, and matching them to cute tops. I hate wearing leggings everyday.

I hate not being able to make it to the bathroom on time. I hate having to wear pads everyday because my bladder can't hold my urine because the fibroids are pressing on it.

This year has been miserable and I can't wait to get rid of these fibroids. I want the pain to stop. I want the bleeding to stop and I want to be able to keep my blood and be able to walk and work without having to take breaks to catch my breath. I'd rather take the pain that comes after the surgery than having these masses living off me and actively trying to kill me. I miss living my life.