I have autism and that makes things like keeping a schedule and life balance to tough for me and have had to quit jobs bc it was too much stress for me.

Im relatively low support needs compared to some peers and that can make me seem more put together to partners than I really am. I feel like the only people that really know how bad a struggle at times are my parents, peer support, therapist, and psychiatrist. Friends and partners don't see me at my worst and honestly ive come a long way from having really bad panic episodes.

I'm upfront about my autism struggles and desire to be child free with partners but they always seem to change their minds and i have to break up with them. my current partner said he was 50/50 on the matter when we first got together and i told him it was deal breaker for me if he wanted to have kids so he agreed with me.

but he made a comment about what if we had a kid and he turned out normal?

that caused us to have a long talk about what we want and he said he will have to think about whether he wants kids before putting a ring on me. but he didnt want to think about it right then bc hes in a crappy living situation and wants to sort that out before thinking about kids.

I on the other hand cant let go of the thought of my passion and desire to never have kids and it almost makes me want to rip my hair out. I dont want to drag out a relationship if its not going to work out but i also dont want to put too much stress on him at the moment.

Thoughts?