I've read hundreds of posts from other parenting related subreddits to try and prepare myself for if and when I have children. One common thing I've read is that the first 3-5 years are the most difficult, some parents have even compared those years to a prison sentence as you are so restricted in what you can personally do. Right off the bat I start thinking "none of this sounds enjoyable to me, why would I turn my life upside down"? The tantrums, regularly getting sick (plus then myself getting sick and or spouse), childcare costs make me, and the time required to devote to children give me anxiety. The enjoyable concept for me comes years later when the kids are older, and as young adults where you can actually have conversations with them and they are no longer so dependent on you.

Another observation I've noticed is that many replies to parents discussing feeling depressed and / or frustrated with being a parent are about PPD. Some of these replies are about suggesting to see a doctor to possibly get on anti depressants. That scares me as I end up thinking "why would I do something that makes me so stressed out that I need to get on medication to simply cope"? It was nice to see one thread where a parent wrote "I don't need to have PPD to feel exhausted". Discussing ones frustrations with raising children still seems like a taboo.

I've also read posts where parents of older children (10-18) are looking forward to a time when their kids are out of the house as they can then focus on themselves again. This makes me wonder what the payoff at the end is if I'm in a situation where I regularly think "just x number of years to go". The payoff part for me, and I know its selfish one, is believing that an older adult child will be there for me when I'm older. The idea of thinking that my core family will be gone one day and that the only family I'll have left if I don't have children are a few older cousins terrifies me a bit.

Has anyone else felt this way?

On another note I have read The Baby Decision and encourage anyone else on the fence to do so. The book doesn't push one viewpoint over another but rather helps guide you to make a decision. One of the main points of the book is that if you don't make a decision one way or another that you will never live your life to its fullest.