Edit just in case people were wondering:
I have had chats with people and realise I was beating myself up unnecessarily harshly and I'm now more or less okay with my actions. Not proud, but I do condone my decisions (especially circumstantially).
Thank you for all your comments, all!

I was recently put in a position due to circumstances beyond my control where I was essentially forced to do something questionable (which I would never have done if left to my own devices). I had a choice but it would have been staggeringly inconvenient and made it nearly impossible for me to function.

I am full of a multitude of conflicting emotions and I don't know how to process them, or even whom to talk to. I've been holding myself up to these incredibly high standards of truth and morality and because of this one decision I have to tell lies to protect myself and also other people. I don't like it, it makes me sick to my stomach, and I literally cannot bring myself to talk about it because of all this shame and guilt I'm carrying.

How do y'all deal with conflicts where your actions betray your moral or ethical code? Whom do you turn to for guidance or advice? Do you try to atone? Justify or forgive your choices?

How do you deal with your own failings?