[Now I'm going to say things in this post that are potentially identifying, so if you know me in real life and recognize me from anything I say please be a dear and don't make it awkward]

I learned several years ago that the attitude I had towards my academics was valuable to apply to real life too.
If I didn't know or understand something, I spoke up and asked, and if I was really interested I looked it up myself, because I owed it to myself to learn and understand. I respected those who had experience and knowledge, but questioned things that didn't make sense. I connected things I learned in one class to things I learned in another. I explained things to those who didn't understand. I held myself to high standards but didn't try to do everything by myself, I asked for help when I needed it. I was a team player who still wanted a good job done but wanted to be fair about effort and credit. I was not ashamed of failure.

It took a while to apply these to the way I live my life, but it has been so very worth it. Lately I've felt very lonely and struggling to find purpose. My boyfriend lives half the world away, I am in a new city I didn't particularly want to move to, I live far away from campus, I don't drive and public transit here sucks, the climate here is doing awful things to my poor hair and skin, I am horribly depressed and skip my classes most days, and I am filled with an overwhelming apathy when it comes to my own present and future.

While I know there are several things I could and should do (get out of the house. go to the gym. meet friends) to resist the temptation to lie in bed and rewatch old TV shows I love, I haven't managed to do them yet. What I have managed to do is speak up and speak out and tell people I'm struggling. It doesn't fix things, but it helps. It helps to know that people around me care about me, and the responses to a post I made yesterday about feeling depressed reminded me that I'm not the only one struggling.

Each of us tries to be the best person that we can be, and sometimes that's difficult and painful. Always remember that someone probably notices. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Be brave.

There's so much love in my life. It overwhelms me. An old professor sent me an email after he saw my Facebook post that said "It is so very clear that so many people care about you. It is not surprising because you are such a warm and caring person." and it made me cry.

I think one of the most heartbreaking things about the way we socialize out children is the way in which we make vulnerability a weakness and a shame. (This is especially true for boys, and one of the most frustrating things about the manosphere). I've often thought that the reason why feminism often is as wonderful as it is, is because solidarity is part of it. It's not perfect (#solidarityisforwhitewomen, anyone?) but it's there. I've often thought that as women grew older they tended to get better at supporting each other within the confines of whatever society they lived in. It wasn't always in the healthiest way, but loving friendships are of value always.

I am not entirely sure what I'm trying to say with this post. Maybe all I'm saying is: we all struggle, all of us in different ways and to different extents. We all have different ways of communicating that struggle, but there is value in that communication.

<3 be good to yourselves and to each other.