As the title states looking on uninternalizing shame as a sadist. How can one feel like a monster for getting off or at the least enjoying your partner in pain? Even better how to remain affirmed in yourself even encountering folks don’t share that interest?

Like typically I’m pretty affirmed in how I am and what I like, but find myself faltering from time to time when interacting with my partner who is a firm top. I sometimes unconsciously do domme things, bully them in ways I think as primarily playful but suppose also enjoy from a sadistic angle which obviously makes them assert their boundary which is more than alright but I guess feel shame about doing something to hurt them in the first place. ( Note: Aware and working on emotional baggage I have from past relationships where I was sexually shamed so part of this could be a result of those negative experience. ) Even though they affirm me and say they know I don’t objectify them, and the sense of aversion towards being dominated ( included a sense of objectifying they feel when involved ) is about domination in general not me—-I still feel like it’s me being a bad person. How does one be a domme especially a more hardcore domme without feeling like a bad or sinister person?

Not sure how to not feel bad about myself in these contexts or worse for wanting to fulfill these domme desires nonetheless ( in otherwise fully fulfilling sexual relationship because I am a switch and throughly enjoy subbing for them ). I vocalize my desires to do more domme things a lot, and they support me in my quest to have sexually fulfillment in all elements outside our relationship ( we have an open relationship ) but still feel this shame.

Solidarity to advice are all appreciated. 🖤