Story Time.

I lost my virginity at 17 years old (I am currently 23) but this woman would not only take my virginity, she would be my Domme (and Abuser) for the next 2 and a half years.

First and foremost, I've come to terms with what happened in our relationship, I know I can't change it, and I have forgiven her and forgiven myself for what happened to me. I will refer to my ex as "K" to keep anonymity in her case.

K and I met in the Summer prior to our Senior Year of High School. Like any young couple her and I hung out a couple of times, had our first date and first kiss and eventually our first time with eachother sexually.

I was 17 at the time, K was 18 and I admitted to K that she would be my first, she was happy to take my virginity and even teach me new things in time.

My first time was nothing special (to me anyway) and we continued on. In time we started to experiment with things, bondage, spanking, denial, edging, etc, etc.

Our Senior Year came and went, we got our diplomas, K went to college, I stayed home because I wanted to work and make money.K and I would see eachother periodically, more often than not I'd make the 45 minutes trip to see her.

As our relationship went on, her and I became more open with eachother about our sexual desires, she told me she wanted to Dominate me and I told her I enjoyed the experimentation we had tried and would be willing to take it further and submit to her.

As time went on, K wanted me to address her as Lady Cottontail, which I was okay with. We had fun for awhile K was willing to discuss my desires help me in ways nobody else could.

Then K let the power go to her head.

Soon K began to cheat on me. Verbally abuse me. Push me around. Make me feel worthless then say it was my fault. She took my submission, when I'm at my most vulnerable, and used it to her advantage. I tried to leave but she wouldn't let me.

I fell into a deep depression because of K. So bad I wanted to take my own life. K told me I was being immature and ridiculous. She started seeing other men despite my protests because I was "the submissive" and I had to be okay with it. She started to hit me if I said something against her.

I eventually left K, despite her trying to make me stay, within a half hour she found a new man and used that against me as well.

It wasn't until a year ago that it was identified by people as "abuse". I never knew it was, I just thought that wqs part of being a sub. I know that's wrong now.

That was 3 years ago. Since then I'd found it difficult to trust Dommes due to fear of being hurt again. But recently I've come to grips and decided it was time to find a real Domme, someone who is willing to use me, but also care for me...

...and while the "hunt" continues, I know now that I can never let myself be put in the position K put me in.