I broke up with my domme yesterday and I’m hurting so much. We met on fetlife back in July. We had a session together that went really well and at the end she asked me if I could do forced bi for her. I told her I would think about it and the next day I told her I’ll do forced bi for her. She made me download grinder and literally the hour that I was on there we already found a guy. Oh and btw I never got to see what she looked like. Anyways I did forced bi for her countless of times whenever she wanted sometimes more than 1 guy a day. I had to lie to my friends and family in order to serve her. She started buying me sex toys, a bracelet, a necklace, and my favorite a teddy bear. I was getting bare backed by random men for her pleasure. I met guys who told me to break up with her bcs they saw the red flags before me but I didn’t listen to them bcs she was all I ever had. One day after one of our hookups at midnight when I was going home she said “I love you.” That’s when everything changed. No one has ever told me they love me and it felt so fucking good whenever she would say it bcs it felt genuine and like she actually loved me. I also said it back bcs i truly did love her. We watched shows together, breaking bad, game of thrones, and house of the dragon. We cooked together, she showed me some of the stuff she made and once we made the same recipe so that we could eat together even tho I couldn’t see her. We were even planning to go shopping together. When I was getting my car she sent me cars to show my dad. We also talked a lot to each other and got to know each other on a deep emotional level. In the beginning we would text so much and still have things to talk about when we called. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel lonely. She would tell me that I was more than just a sub to her. I felt so loved and special to her but one day everything changed. On September 3rd my life changed. She told me the truth about her self. She told me she was 25 living with her 2 brothers and mom but all of that was a fucking lie. She has a husband and when she told me that, I broke down crying and so did she bcs she saw how much she hurt me. That day she told me I had to decide if I wanted to leave her or stay her sub and I chose to stay bcs I loved her. When I told her that I would stay with her she sounded so happy, and everything was great for a while until it wasn’t. There’s definitely more to the story but I’ll share one moment where she hurt me so fucking much. She got mad at me bcs I wasn’t serving her right. She got mad at me bcs I had a final that I had to do and it was a writing assignment. I told her I struggle with writing and she told me something like “school isn’t an excuse to not serve me.” She threatened to break up with me that day and it took me so many days to stop crying. Sometimes even though I was in school she still wanted me to hookup. I remember a guy from Boston called me an uber, the uber picked me up from my school, I hooked up with the guy, and then he brought me back home. After some of my hookups I felt so used and sad. I was trying to figure out why I was so sad and if I was going through sub drop or something but this was starting to affect me mentally. I also got on prep for her. One thing that I’m going to miss is when she would call me sweetie. It was my favorite thing in the world bcs it made me feel so small, little, and submissive. I used to take photos of the teddy bear that she bought me and send her a picture of me with the teddy bear and she would say something like this: good night sweetie with a kiss emoji or a red heart. I miss that so much. Anyways the last guy I hooked up with we couldn’t call bcs she’s on vacation so she had me record having sex with him. After we were done with round 1 he wanted to talk to me and I ended up crying on him and I told him everything about her. He told me she was using me and didn’t actually love me and that I should break up with her. He didn’t give me a ride home until I broke up with her and deleted telegram which was the app that we talked on the most. When I was breaking up with her she was trying to tell me anything to get me to stay. I don’t really remember what she said bcs that guy didn’t even let me read the last messages she was sending to me he only read them out loud to me. One thing I do rember tho is her saying that I hope I find my way back to her. She kept telling me that our relationship has its limits bcs she has a husband and she doesn’t want to ruin her marriage and that I shouldn’t yearn for her. I craved her physical touch so bad. She was also trying to make me remember how much she loved me and that I was her best sub she ever had. I left out so many details but I think I hit the main points. I miss her so fucking much and idk how I’m going to get over her but I had to leave her for my own mental health….