A few days ago I made a post here explaining how, when I make a personals ad, I don’t like the countless similar replies I get of people simply listing their hobbies and kinks. I was frustrated with the lack of effort and abysmal conversation skills. Many dommes agreed, but some men were confused and asked what else they could possibly send in a first message. Some messaged asking for examples. So I thought I’d share. Keep in mind this is my personal opinion, I’m not claiming its the only correct way to do things.

Here are some examples of replies I’ve received as a domme that were very similar and didn’t stand out to me. Of course it also depends on what kind of ad you write and what kind of relationship you’re looking for, but for someone like me who writes very detailed ads and puts in a lot of effort, this simply doesn’t do it for me:

1. Hi, I am a 27 year old submissive male. I am 170 pounds and 5'11. I enjoy gaming, hiking, and cooking. My kinks include humiliation, degradation, and cbt. Limits scat and blood
2. Hello! I’m a 25 year old guy from the east coast. Non kinky interests are working out, gaming, anime, and other nerdy stuff. Kinks are overstim, pegging, and humiliation. Look forward to hearing from you

I could keep going and going, but you get the point. Now here’s a reply I really enjoyed and responded to, shared with permission:

“Hi, my names X, 28 years old, from California. (Physical description). My nonkinky interests include history, bicycling, and like you I also enjoy reading (What’s your favorite book?) I’m also a huge animal lover and have several pets. I would describe myself as adventurous, kind, and a curious extrovert, but I also love a night in, and enjoying a home-cooked meal with loved ones. Kinkwise, I am into most of your kinks and have some experience.

Your ad stuck out to me because I really liked the way you described yourself and the kind of relationship you want. I value a dynamic built on friendship and trust. I want to find out what kind of things excite you as a domme and vice versa. I also appreciate honest communication and people who have a hard work ethic, motivation, and goals. I’m very interested in getting to know you and hope to hear from you soon.”

See how he presents himself by more than just listing kinks and hobbies? And at the end, he shows interest in the domme as a person, asks questions, and explains why he is interested. He doesn’t seem like someone just looking for a kink dispenser. You can make it even longer if you want, but take your length cue from the person you’re responding to

Now, I can see how from the other side of things, doing this for everyone can take a long time. My suggestion would be to have your message describing yourself pre-written, and at the end personalize it a little bit by asking questions or telling the person what about them stuck out to you. Also, only message someone when you meet their requirements. Seriously, don’t be that person that goes “Hi, I know you said people only in the age range of X-Y, or people who only live in X city, but…”