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Me and my girlfriend have recently started incorporating many more kinks into our sex life. To be honest we both knew about each other’s kinky desires but were too afraid to pursue them in person so we usually just stuck to roleplay.
Recently, due to a little challenge, I was the sub for about 3 days which included loads of fun things like sissification, parental controls and many more. During this time it felt absolutely wonderful I felt very subby and at times little (I am an abdl).
The problems come with meeting in person. We had a kinky play session recently and again things were really good we even tried something akin to pegging and some more crossdressing and abdl stuff.
It did feel a little weird though because of a few reasons that she expressed herself. I am quite a bit bigger and heavier than her, I am also a frequent gym goer so quite a bit stronger. This makes it so in my mind at all times I think about “if I wanted I could stop her.”
Which for a switch like me is a little bit of a problem because then the sub mode I am just goes away because I prefer to be “forced” to do things.
Have any of you experienced this and if so are there any ways to fix it? To just make me feel more vulnerable with her and less in control?
I think it’s in the psychology of it, I come against this in my head sometimes but from the other side as the D (I’m 5’3” and kind of small) pretty much anyone I was playing with could push me off them or chuck me over their shoulder or basically stop me. But they don’t, and that’s a combination of:
1) They’re into it and don’t want it to stop
2) They’re often tied up and then yes, as already said then game over
3) But most interesting of all, if I’ve done my part right then I’m the voice in their head and they’re “scared” of me (in that moment), or see me as more powerful (like a boss at work, or a queen, or maybe a teacher from when they were young). And this makes them submit, I find it fascinating and is why I like this dynamic
So your girlfriend needs to find this in herself, if she wants to, which it sounds like she does. But your job here is equally important - and that’s to empower her to do so. So you could do that by deferring to her authority outwardly to encourage her to find this power, which is not easy at first and some of us struggle with imposter syndrome.
Inwardly the work you could do might be to channel any moments in your life when a woman / someone smaller had control over you and you felt … pick a word: smaller, scared, powerless, dominated. It could be any setting and completely non sexual (and I’m not suggesting you sexualise or fetishise an unconsenting person, I mean find again your feelings in a situation where someone else had control and you accepted that). So for example a police officer / boss / teacher, any figure of authority. You wouldn’t use your strength to overrule them, reflect on why and how that felt.
You need to see your girlfriend in that light while engaging in this type of play and it doesn’t matter that it’s a pedastal you put her on rather than a position society did, it needs to engender the same feelings in you. Then it will be a positive cycle of her feeling bolder and leaning in more into her dominant role, and you being more acclimatised to handing over that control to her.
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