I get that this is a pretty universal experience. But also the context of Femdom compounds things.

A lot of the stuff I see posted here is men convincing/asking how to convince their vanilla partners to perform acts of Femdom for them. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone who trusts my judgment and wants to submit willingly as opposed to me "forcing" it on them.

Before "yea a lot of Dommes suck too". Yes I understand some Dommes haven't done the work and due diligence to learn about bdsm and expect some random person to submit to them. I'm not referring to them here.

Also I cannot do casual play with someone I don't have feelings for. Femdom allows me to open up and hear the other person's vulnerabilities and insecuries as well. It allows acceptance.

However, I've been feeling pretty uninspired lately. Most of the subs I see are looking for a Mommy or a gentle Domme. Although I like some aspects of it, I'm more on the sadistic side of things. Yet many subs are surprised that I'm actually a pleasant person to talk to and treat them nicely. Yea I'm not in Domme mode 24/7 with every person I talk to, but that doesn't seem to be obvious to people.

And yes, I've tried meeting people locally and going to local events. That was a very jarring experience as well. Two people I met started being extremely sexual and aggressive as soon as I brought up the fact that I'm dominant. Prior to that our conversations were completely normal and fun.

I really don't like making that comparison, but I believe it's easier to be a male dom. Even if their partner isn't into bdsm, vanilla sex life incorporates a lot of light bdsm elements nowadays (choking, handcuffs, spanking, etc).

Nowadays I feel as if looking for love and romantic connection while having kinky sexual desires is really hard. I've done a lot of internal work (therapy, retreats, groups, workshops etc) to be the most actualized me I can be. And the work is ongoing as long as I'm alive. However, I meet a lot of people who are complacent, lack self-awareness, are looking for someone to "save" them, often cross boundaries etc. This has been my experience with men, women, and non-binary folks, so it's not a gender issue.

Anyway, thank you for reading. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences as well.