Yes I know "not all men" and yes it's hard for subs too. But I'm talking about my experience right now.

I've been looking for a submissive for a few months and it's been stressful, exhausting, annoying, and disappointing. I can count a couple of nice moments but that's literally it.

Sure there are plenty of subs who are dominant in their daily life and are submissive in the bedroom only and that's cool. However, I'm looking for a female led relationship. I've naturally been assertive and independent my entire life and I know for sure (from previous experiences) that dating another dominant person would be a clash. Yet so many subs aren't willing to follow my lead, they've been resisting the tiniest things I tell them to do. And no, I don't jump into the dynamic right away, it's always after there is chemistry, vetting, negotiations, safewords, etc.

Dating locally has been difficult as well. As soon as they find out I'm a Domme, they turn into wild horndogs and start saying insane sexual shit, even though I don't focus on sexual talks at all.

Many subs are so poorly socialized. They have good jobs and have friends but cannot talk to dominant women in a normal way. I had a few subs continuously disregard my boundaries, pester me for pics, keep mentioning how horny they are (again, I do not mention horny things AT ALL).

A lot of them display passive aggression oftentimes and say critical remarks disguised as a "joke". Yea I get it we roast each other in my family too but any given sub is literally a stranger to me but they think they get a pass for some reason. And it's not just online, in person as well.

Also when I start talking about serious subjects like politics or philosophy, I'm met with dry ass responses like "yea that's crazy" or some shit like that. I'm not treated as a human being with opinions and ideas, I'm treated as a kink dispensing machine.

Another thing I've noticed many subs like to trauma dump VERY early in the conversation as a manipulative tactic to trauma bond and to create a false sense of intimacy. I was guilty of falling for that for a bit until I realized it was fake.

When I call them out on their behaviour, they think I'm offended. I'm not offended, I like to hold people accountable - myself included.

Some of my tasks have to do with the well-being of a sub, and it also helps keep myself disciplined knowing that I'm keeping someone else in check. However, I've been told a few times I'm "too nice to be a Domme", "you're too kind", as if they're already taking me for granted. But as mentioned earlier, as soon as I call them out on their shit, I'm "mean".

Oh and of course too many subs who SWEAR they are submissive but act very pushy and arrogant around me as if trying to dominate me psychologically. I saw them participating in Femdom related subs and acting all cute and subby but the way they acted with me was literally the opposite.

My apologies for the long rant, just needed to vent. I'm going to be single until some bdsm fairy blesses me with a truly submissive person lmao. The search itself is making me stressed and burnt out.

P.S.: Anyone sliding into my dms "hi mistress can I be your sub" will be reported and blocked, just sayin

EDIT: While it's a very nice sentiment that "you'll find someone when you aren't looking". I've been single for a few years due to personal reasons and yet nobody magically appeared. So I don't believe in that tbh.