Hi (F44) I am new to this. I guess you could say I have been one of those that have read about BDSM and watching videos but my experience is very small. Let's say almost non existent.

I have been physically abused by men most of my life and I find it's made me timid when it comes to donating someone.

I am very turned on at the thought of having a man tied up for me, or placing a cage in him when he is not with me. I would probably also really enjoy things like flogging a sub. There are other things I like reading about and watching but I have never done anything.

I met someone online, and I think I chased them off due to not being dominant enough, and I really enjoyed our conversations. I am shy naturally. when he reached out to me, it was an ad to look for someone long term like, you know "normal dating", no BDSM mentioned. I was going through a lot and he was sweet. He is the one asking if I was interested. I said I am, which I really am, but he flustered me, I was so nervous I failed. Look let's get real, I love accents and I am American and he is Aussie and omg I melted. Honestly we chatted in text for 2 weeks alot, I really enjoyed it, and had a few voice calls but even though he said he is still interested in me, I have only gotten brief messages all this past week. Every day less and less texting.

I feel sad, and now I don't know what I want. I wanted love and stuff, still do, I am tired of being lonely, but now I want to be this goddess persona. But I somehow want it to mesh with life? I am probably never going to get this happiness. I don't know if I just wish for him to write me finally today or for him to stop talking altogether so I move on.

How do I find someone who wants to date, be normal day to day but enjoy the bedroom lifestyle?

I wish my pet would write me again or call, but I think he is done with me. I am feeling sad. I felt so strongly towards him. I am angry that he opened this thought process in my head and now he is gone. I can't change he isn't communicating so how can I possibly find someone who would enjoy a timid femdom? I know I would grow bolder as I felt more comfortable.

I made this account for this kind of community. I really am new and feeling so unsure of myself.