I recently got out of a draining relationship more than a month ago and I've been handling things fairly well. So fast forward to this week when I was playing around with my friend, things got rougher and messier.

There was something so cathartic about being sadistic with someone who would do whatever I say just for a drop of my spit, after so many months of being a people-pleaser and looking out for my partner at the expense of my well-being.

He was kneeling on the floor with a vibrating ring around him, crying and drooling while he begged me to keep slapping him. And it got me to a headspace where the only word I know to describe it would be "ravenous" . I was slapping, choking, and laughing and yelling at this thing in front of me who LOVED it and I loved it too and the tears just started coming up at some point.

I only registered the tears after he safeworded bc that quickly shook me out of that haze. I thought I went overboard but he pointed out that I was crying and I was like wtf I am, and it turns out I also broke a nail extension. 💀

We ended the scene there, did lots of aftercare, and tried to make sense of what just happened. I feel A LOT lighter and happier now after processing everything so yaaay.