So, I’ve told some of my story In comments but not the whole thing. Today I just seem surrounded by the issue of switches on subreddits and it has a part of my story. I figure maybe it’ll teach something, help someone, start a discussion or maybe entertain.

From the beginning I joined the army, with parental permission, at 17. After boot camp and infantry school I married my high school sweetheart at 18. We were both raised conservative Catholic believing sex isn’t for fun but just for making children. We struggled with deployments and the way I was but had our first when I was 23. Shortly after I tried sharing my perversion but she was still too conservative and I loved her too much to push. At 30 we had our 2nd daughter but my wife passed with complications after childbirth.

After 2 years of mourning I decided to get back into the game but I also decided to seek and learn my kink side. By this time I knew femdom was a thing and I was a submissive. I went online seeking. Collarme was a big thing at the time and I met a findom on there that was close by. At the time I barely knew what I was and what femdom was, much less findom. I made the decision that i didn’t care about money I really wanted to open this side of me. I got so lucky here, she was the real deal. Fast forward a year, I was her finsub but still a single dad and the company I was working for went out of business. I explained to her that I was out of money but she chose to keep me. She took me to munches, local scenes and I met ppl and living the life I wanted.

I knew she was a switch but I was into cuckolding so this worked for us for a long time. 8 years in she met a Dom that wasn’t into cuckolding and wasn’t into her having me. I felt like the guy was a creep but she kept it up. He ended up forcing her to leave me. I was seeing professionals for my PTSD and even though I habit of self medicating my PTSD with alcohol we had brought it into our dynamic and I was staying sober and doing my programs. When she released me on orders of her Dom I fell off the rails, went back to drinking and not going to groups.

6 months later she reaches out that she’s left him, tired of not being allowed of being her whole self. I’m leary but enter back. She said she felt really bad but as long as we can move on and never speak of it she’ll take me back. I agree.

Without her I slipped back to alcohol to cure my PTSD. This time around it was harder but tried. I slipped a few times and kept drinking. One time about four months ago I got so drunk I brought up what she did with her ex that made her release me even knowing I wasn’t supposed to bring it up and I said some really mean things about. Those type of things that you can’t unsay or apologize for. The words that just ruin things. She released me and I don’t blame her. I checked myself into rehab and have been working on myself since.

If this has meaning I guess I gotta say if you’re a switch, don’t forget who you are and what you want. Don’t let your submissive side take what you really want. Stay true to you and those that use this lifestyle as therapy it’s an awesome aide but no substitute for professional help