Hey Gents,

In case this is the first time you run into my posts, my name is Matilde. I'm a 38 years old woman who loves to throw aside her strong and capable self when in private and dive had first into often slightly uncomfortable levels of sexualization. I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as submissive because that's not really my mindset. I'm more just a woman who enjoys a bit humiliation, oversexualization and various bdsm practices.

It's also not a secret that I have been denied for around 1.5 years as of right now. Now, that of course doesn't mean that I spend every single day edging myself, simply just that my last orgasm was a very very long time ago. I do of course get teased and edged often enough to very much keep me on my toes. I do date specifically for this purpose, to have fun with bdsm and denial.

Now, one other thing I like to do, is write a little post whenever I have a super demanding experience. You see, there are a couple of self-enforced rules I live by, I'm not gonna get into all of them, but one of them stipulates that I have to "ride the waves" so to speak. As in regardless of the amount or intensity of the teasing and edging I've endured, I'm not allowed to take shortcuts; no cold showers or ice to help me calm down... I just have to deal with the situation and try to "enjoy" the often torturous lingering need.

But one way I found that helps mitigate it a little, is focusing on writing a post. A momentary relief from the maddening frustration of denial, if you will. And this is such a post.

You see, I've been on a date tonight, where after a really nice dinner I got so utterly edged and tortured that even though I got home over an hour ago, I can still barely keep my head straight. I don't really want to get into the precise details of what happened, partially because I was tied up and blindfolded, and partially because I would just rather focus on how I felt and feel right now as opposed to how things happened move by move.

Let me start by the fact that I'm not a crier, at all. I never really cried during more painful bdsm sessions I had in the past either, and I certainly never cried due to being edged... Until today, that is. I was so utterly and completely overwhelmed by all the stimuli I got that I just broke down by the end. To be clear it wasn't a bad thing, just so utterly overwhelming that I teared up... Which is a big fucking deal for me. You gotta understand there is a point in edging where you're dancing right at the edge. It's a point where I actively have to fight mentally, but also physically flexing all my muscles to hold back and fight off an impending orgasm. It's super demanding and tiresome, and usually only lasts 10-30 seconds per ride... But not this time. He kept me there riding that edge for what felt like fucking forever, letting me down and bringing me back to there over and over and over again, until I was just completely overwhelmed and couldn't actively fight anymore.

Then he did slow down and continued to play with me with brushes and only using a vibrator sparingly as quick shock to my system. Normally I feel right at home during play like that, cause usually I have the strength to "have a say" in my denial. I have some degree of power to resist... but tonight after that initial breakdown, I just couldn't. I felt completely and utterly helpless, just riding along, unable to control myself and my body even just a little tiny bit. Which felt... Well at first scary, then more just anxious. I'm not used to so completely losing control. Because even when I'm tied up and blindfolded like I was today, normally I still have control over my own body, even if that doesn't result in physical movement I can still resist and have some level of control. Tonight I had nothing. I was truly and completely just along for the ride, moaning, occasionally screaming and crying a little. It felt so exciting, but also super nerve-racking at the same time.

At the end, he of course drove me me home... Well, after convincing me to stay naked in the car... And now I'm here, trying to keep my mind occupied with writing a post to distract me from that overwhelming, maddening warm pulsating feeling originating from my clit. I'm literally towel-bound, as I'd rather not drip all over my bedsheets. To be clear, nobody touched me in nearly two hours and I still occasionally let go a soft moan as my pussy and, well, body overall is still so fucking turned on and pent up with frustration...

I'm not gonna lie and pretend that I don't enjoy this kind of torture, because I fucking love it. I fucking adore feeling desperate and denied. But also, it still is super hard and demanding, and it really is a kind of torture. It's just that I'm a kind of masochist it seems.

Well, I think that's about it, I don't wanna take up too much of your time. That being said perhaps I wouldn't mind having a chat for a while, to help distract me, or I guess for the not-so-nice people amongst you, to tease me a little as if I haven't got enough already.

Look, I'm a rather strong and resilient woman for sure... So, if you wanna reach out feel free, just please understand that I can't really take much more at present.

Otherwise, I just wanna thank you for giving this a read and I hope you had some fun reading it. Writing it did help me shift focus from my very desperate pussy to... well, this. :)