it's only been 4 days since I committed to not having an orgasm until the end of the year, and every night so far, I've been grinding on my pillow for 20 minutes (as suggested in the comments of a previous post). I'm already at the point where I soak through my panties that I don't even think it's worth wearing any anymore, I find excuses to be alone during the day just so that I can touch my greedy little clit for a minute or two, and I can't wait to go to bed every night just so that I can grind on something.

my pussy is aching and desperate to stuffed and filled, but I know it doesn't deserve it. not yet (maybe not ever). and it makes me realise how entitled I was before to have orgasms so often without ever really deserving them.

I need more though. I need my brain to leak out of my pussy, and I don't want to have reason to ever think for myself again. I need to be made into a mindless, dripping slut whose only purpose is to be willing and ready whenever anyone wants to use me. my pleasure doesn't belong to me, and I need to be punished for ever thinking that it was.