yknow, for as long as i've been into denial... it feels like i haven't been into ruined orgasms very much. i feel like they might be a little... underexplored. it's been a little over a week since i last had a ruin, and it was a very, very close call. i had to pull away at the last second or else it would have been a full orgasm.

what would a consistent routine of ruins do to me?

i keep thinking about ruins these days. how all that build up just leads to nothing. how all the girls say that ruins make them frustrated, more desperate, needier, wetter, more focused on denial and less focused on everything else. i... kinda want that. scratch that, i think i'm past the point of pretending to have some scrap of dignity left. i really want that. i want to be on edge and tingly and distracted in a way that i haven't felt in a while. i want to constantly tease my nipples when i'm working at my desk - i want to have to tease myself while i'm working because the sensation of nothing is just too much and i need some kind of stimulation. fuck it, i need to be teased and denied so goddamn bad. and i wanna know how crazy consistent ruins can drive me.

i just have no idea what that amount of ruining can or will do to me. i don't know how it will affect me. i have high, high hopes i guess! but i'm just not sure. i know sometimes i want strong, screaming orgasms so bad i have to bite the pillow. would replacing orgasms with ruins still count as denial, or would that be something else entirely? i just wanna go back to being a good, desperate, needy lil slut...