However modest a mercy it is, I've been given permission to cum. It's a bit agonizing that I was able to read the message of authorization hours ahead any chance to touch. I can feel my inner core clenching in anticipation bit as with all things... it comes at a cost.

First I've been ordered to my knees to tease but it will too be the position I cum in. I have permission to move to another position if I have to but I want to follow the intent of the instruction. I've never cum while kneeling so this way so it will be a wholly new experience for me especially as it has been made clear that I must admit I am a bad girl for giving into these urges, even with permission. That I need to practice begging aloud which has me blushing just to imagine saying.

I have to speak aloud that I need to be denied by my new owner and that by cumming, I surrender fully into his control. That is the cost of a climax. Not knowing the circumstances of my next orgasm or when it will transpire. I could have said no, stayed denied like a good girl but to be so gluttonous and greedy is basically acknowledging I need to be under someone else's thumb. Who won't give in to an urge just because it feels good. Wasting more than a week of effort in abstaining from orgasm.

I am a bit addicted to this sense of being conditioned. My momentary weaknesses being exploited to ensure further compliance long term. It feels a hopeless gamble but I can't help but to seize the chance to cum.

What a bad girl I am, to cum. To use my vibrator, to stuff toys inside of myself to feel full. Endlessly scrolling porn to fuel this ugly urge, using it to cum against better judgment. Until midnight I am giving in to my greedy pussy. After that... its out of my hands. I'm so bad, so why does it feel so good?