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here is something of a cautionary tale about my experience with what i guess i’ll call accidental permanent orgasm denial:
it all started several years ago when i was freshly 18. i was young, dumb, and constantly a dripping wet mess which funny enough isn’t too far off from how i am today, but i digress. around this time i was very into the idea of exploring my masochistic side and seeing how far i could push the limits.
one night, after gooning mindlessly and edging for hours and hours, i made a post on here for the first time out of complete desperation. i needed someone to stop me. tell me no. tell me i’m undeserving, that dumb greedy girls like me don’t deserve to cum, that cumming is for men and not bratty little girls… and so one thing led to another and before i knew it i was taking instructions from a faceless, nameless, void of a man in my dm’s.
he brought me deeper down the denial rabbit hole and i couldn’t have been happier. that is until — he instructed me to put a clothespin on my clit.
when i think about it now, (now knowing that in that moment it was the beginning of the end for me), i’m not quite sure how to feel. i was addicted to the pain. it felt good, punishing my clit as an act of devotion and subservience not only to please him but to honor myself in a way, too, in knowing that i truly don’t deserve to feel such pleasure because in my mind, only men deserve to and certainly not inferior beta girls like myself.
the first time i put a clothespin on my clit it didn’t last too long. i whined, cried, begged for his permission so that i could take it off. it hurt, stung, and was burning. my poor, very sensitive at the time, engorged little clit.
he gave me permission to remove it and i knew in that moment when the clamp came off that i was in trouble. it felt so fucking good and i wanted to do it again. so i did. time and time again. things really took a turn though the first time i had gotten high while toying with the clamp. you see, after i realized how much i needed that, i didn’t want to stop. i didn’t want to take it off. first i’d lose track of a few minutes and then it was 20, oops! soon 30… 45. it made me more submissive, i felt like i could finally relax — no distraction from such a pointless little thing in between my legs making me feel like i needed to cum, just a constant, burning ache that while yes… mentally, i was filled with need, physically — i was allowing the numbness to take over me.
so again and again, i would get high on my own. forgetting him, using him as a distant memory of who taught me exactly how i should be. clothespin on my clit, letting my mind go blank. occasionally fucking my cunt with a toy, experimenting with insertion on its own (i can’t orgasm from insertion), i thought i should still use my hole here and there incase a future master would like to. i don’t do that often anymore. only a real cock deserves to use my holes.
years later, i am numb. i sometimes try and rub my clit but i haven’t had an orgasm in years and truly don’t feel capable anymore despite how hard i attempt to, because the truth is i have done irreparable damage to my clit and if i’m being completely honest… knowing this makes me extremely wet & crave a good cock in my mouth, just like an obedient girl always should.
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- 6 months ago
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