A long rant about being a different kind of sub.

• To the one who accepted what I was saying and said, I get it and I’d give you that. I would just feel… and we communicated about it? Thank you for being understanding and open to ideas. You really did make me feel so much better about life last night! - *************

When I made the decision to be permanently denied as an unclaimed sub, I didn’t think I would receive serious pushback from people (Doms) over my choice. I know some people aren’t into it, which is fine; however, I am and that’s my choice, right? If it’s not yours, we’re not compatible, ok, live and let live.

That’s not what I found, at all.

So here I am trying to figure out what I could’ve said to explain my position better to communicate why this is important to me. I am not trying to change their minds, not at all. But I do think being clear in communication is important in any situation so each person is being understood.

I explained that orgasms are a short-term (nearly instantaneous) gratification for me, whereas denial is a constant, on-going one. But it’s so much more than that. It helps me focus not on myself, but externally. Helps me focus on my partner. On their needs, their wants, their pleasure.

It helps my ADHD brain “segment” in a positive way by giving it a productive way to be “distracted” in a controlled way. If one part is distracted by being needy, wanting, wet, denied all of the time, the other part of my brain can focus on things like school work, housework, parental care, paying bills on time. Important things - life things that I suck at in normal times because my brain attention either hyperfocuses on something or is like a flea.

Denial makes me feel sexy as fuck. For someone with body dysmorphia, I cannot express the extent to which this is important. I struggle as a recovering anorexic (I was actively anorexic in HS and college, but still struggle with thoughts and some times actions that come and go. I will always be recovering from it just like an addict is always in recovery, it’s the nature of the disease.). Because of anorexia, I crashed my metabolic system. At my highest weight I was over 300 lbs. I have lost a significant amount of that, and continue to do so to get to the weight my dr and I have decided is healthy for me. However, when I look in the mirror, when I try on clothes in the store - I still see the over 300 lb body. She is not beautiful. She is disgusting. But the woman who is denied? That dripping, craving, needy, desperate woman? She feels sexy. She feels like people can tell how slutty she is and that makes her feel secretly powerful. She thinks she’s desired by them and she likes that feeling - even if it’s not true, it can be true in her mind.

Denial makes me feel safe. There are rules and guardrails when I’m in denial. There are no multiple days in a row spent blowing off responsibilities while endlessly having orgasm after orgasm with no real satisfaction. Getting to touch is by permission. Getting an edge is by permission. There’s a comfort in knowing I don’t think about those things, they’ll be given to me in due time.

I don’t understand why any/all of my reasons for wanting permanent denial is blown off as “mumbo jumbo” and a “little thing”, an unimportant experience to be given up because it’s not understood and orgasms are things everyone wants and needs, so surely I have just never experienced the right orgasms.

I have. I promise I have had mind-blowing, can’t think, send you straight to subspace sex & orgasms many times in the 30 years I’ve been having sex. But that isn’t what I need and I can’t understand why people think my needs and wants are less accepted, because they are simply not understood.