First, I want to thank everyone for their consideration and thoughtful replies and support in my first post. I appreciated all of the encouragement reminding me to be proud of 8 months worth of denial.

Next, I have done as many suggested and taken the last few weeks to take a deep breath and try to reset myself. Just relax. No restrictions. I pulled from my yoga practice and focused inward to try to center myself and find some “quiet” within.

Did it work? No. lol.

I have fallen behind in schoolwork. Fallen behind in housework. I am a hot mess.

I feel less attractive. I am less horny. I have been on here less.

I have had more orgasms. They left me feeling… let down. They were fleeting and disappointing when I finally did have them. It was worse than an edge or even a ruin. I worked for them and then they were just… unsatisfactory.

I miss being denied. I miss always feeling horny, always dripping and wet and ready. I miss being able to stroke my pussy over the arm of a couch, grind down on it and feel my core clench with craving and need. I miss rocking my hips while I sit in public while I watch people around me and wonder who would use me if I asked.

I haven’t done any of those things in the past few weeks. No Ben wa balls or butt plugs in the house or when I leave. No Lush inserted or played with.

I feel like part of it was a punishment to myself and part was a “detox” of sorts to allow me to reset.

Now that I have had this “cleanse” of sorts, I really feel like I know how much I benefit from being denied physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I don’t want to wait until “No touch November” or some other artificial start point to step back into this. I don’t feel like I need to. This is a lifestyle choice for me, not a short-term goal to get through.

Even if it feels impossible to do this without someone else, I know it’s not. I have done it before. I just need to take a deep breath, find my center and relax into things. Remembering that I feel and act my best when I am training, which includes stretching and denial.