Have been following this group here for a long time and almost always feel inspired by it.

Hoping the following post fits here..

Orgasm denial is certainly not new to me but, up to now, has always been controlled by someone else. Which, I thought, was the only way I would enjoy it. To be held accountable, to be controlled, to have to report/ give feedback. But it turns out that’s not entirely true for me. As much as all those things turn me on, I can’t just magically make someone appear out of a hat that would help me feel the way I crave. Being on a journey of finding out how to love myself and honour me as much as I deserve has made me think that I myself can hold me accountable too. I can show myself to stay strong, controlled and for one month without orgasms. My rules are easy to follow. No edging routine, I just play with myself whenever I feel the urge, don’t come and if I would too over the edge I will make an effort to not enjoy it.

The most surprising thing though is that I feel a lot less pressure to finish. Maybe it’s my greediness to “stuff my mouth” with an orgasm when I am allowed to, maybe I start to revel in the feeling of being this little closer to a relief all the time…. I don’t even know if my words make any sense….

I don’t feel this hot and fevery dissatisfaction that became so normal for me when I was with someone who denied me, I don’t constantly think of the next edge and I am absolutely not always aroused, but that’s ok for me. There is no pressure in that regard. But oh I get wet when I feel the need to play…. I am full of anticipation and yes, the things I think about while I edge are totally more intense than usually. I sometimes, in those moments of excitement and self play, imagine myself without an orgasm for longer than one month… but let’s see how I fare through this very first month of voluntary orgasm denial…